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Well, I feel for you, but I

Well, I feel for you, but I don't think aggressive use of ligature is the answer (I mean, seriously, this is the first time I've seen 'st' ligatures in a text later than 18th century)

I also started a re-reading of Illuminatus! a little bit ago, though I was thinking more about story structure and prose style than character development (it's simpler in both than I remember).

May I submit that the point of initiation is not the feeling, not the insights, but how you are changed. Each is supposed to push you an infintesimal step higher toward your HGA, or purify you into incorruptible gold, or to simplify you into the block of wood not carved, or accelerate you toward your singularity, whatever your transcendental target is.

The amateur psychologist in me says that this is a defense mechanism, to save you from change. You've got an excellent grasp of the vocabulary of initiation, and you can hold it up between you and fact of it. You may not be the H. Neophilus you think you are.

Raise yourself. Distill yourself. Becalm yourself. Accelerate yourself. The one on the other side of that process has their own reasons.

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